Friday, September 9, 2016

"Oh the Hedges" - Part II

Posted: September 9, 2016
So there Walter sat, in a blue lawn chair he grabbed from the garage.  The early summer day did not bother him, for the sun rested behind many clouds keeping the temperature tolerable.  Occasionally he would slip into a dreamless sleep, as he waited for the mail man to show up.  After a few minutes he stirred in his chair to wake himself and to keep alert.  To pass the time, he watched the houses around him as his neighbors left for work or went for a jog.  At one point children gathered to play.  This was the perfect community and to boot, everyone kept their lawns neat and tidy.  Except for the Whites.

Oh the hedges, Walter thought, as he glanced over at the chaotic yard.  It was impossible to keep his eyes looking on such an atrocity, causing him to pick up the chair beneath him and rotate to face the other way.

The hours did not take long to pass.  When Bill pulled up to the block with his mail car, he spotted Mr. Sherman down the way, looking very irate.   Bill had to roll his eyes when he noticed the sour faced man.  Under his breath he muttered, “Not again.”

Walter greeted him, once he arrived at 125, “Bill, it’s good to see you!  How is the business today?”

“Hello, Mr. Sherman.  Business is good.  Just delivering the mail,” Bill responded happily, hoping that the conversation would stay light.

“That’s great, that’s good.  I got something I want to say to you now.”

Here it comes, Bill complained in his head.

“Have you talked to those fellas up at headquarters for me?  Did you do what I asked?”

Bill had a dark complexion for the beginning of summer, and it would continue to tan as the days wore on.  A straight graying mustache grew above his lips, that would curve downwards when he smiled, and upwards if frowning.  Currently this curve moved from down to up.  He answered irritably ashamed, “No, no.  I haven’t talked to them at ‘headquarters’.  Listen, Walter, I’m real busy today.  I don’t have the time to explain to you again how-”

                Walter interrupted him, “How hard is it to just simply change an address?  I’ll do it myself.  I’ll rip that ‘3’ off their box for them!  I’ll nail up my ‘5’!  They won’t have to do a thing.  And you know, you just have to have headquarters, switch our names, and everything will be fine.  Come on, Bill, for me!”

                “That all is out of the question, Mr. Sherman.”

                “But why?  Why do they get to get away with the sins they commit over there!”

                Bill, the mailman, had about enough he could handle for the day.  Maybe tomorrow they could continue the conversation, but today, he had reached his limit.  Bill looked Walter straight in the eye, and voiced clearly, “Look!  You don’t have to switch addresses.  If you don’t like your house anymore, or your neighborhood, move!  I can’t do anything about your house numbers, or anything about how someone lives.  If they like it messy over there, that’s fine.  Let them be!  But please, for Pete’s sake, have something else to talk about when I deliver your mail, Mr. Sherman!  Good day!”

                When Bill shoved his mail into his fumbling hands and stormed off, Walter was so shocked that he stood there for a minute with his mouth wide open.

                It would have been nice if Walter received the message and took a hint, but instead, Walter decided he would have to take matters into his own hands.  Trimmed hedges would do his eyes good, if he could only get in their lawn unnoticed.  First, he had to assemble the right team.  A visit to the lawn and garden store might prove valuable in his efforts to fix the problem.

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